Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My balls are so social today.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
