It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Fuck appropriateness.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
