Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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