all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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