My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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