What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
