He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
