Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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