If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
