when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
