I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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