she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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