Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
did you just send me my own nude
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
