You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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