my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
