Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
