my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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