Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
