I am in a vortex of obligation.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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