Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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