so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
