Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
