dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
