i need an iv and a liver transplant
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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