Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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