Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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