need another drink. this is the easiest way
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
