the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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