I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize