Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize