my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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