i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Who did Billy Mays play for?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
