apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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