carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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