I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
