then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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