seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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