I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did we literally take a cab across the street
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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