someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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