Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
