DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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