how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize