hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
