I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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