the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
