i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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