His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
