you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
