I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
