If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
