So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize