If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
