I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
