Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My cat gives me a boner
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
