I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
