Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
