i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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