am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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