i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
