you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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