Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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