So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
