Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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