I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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