I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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