Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want her autograph on my taint
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize