Hey man sorry I got all grabby
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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