Michael Bay diarrhea
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
