apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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