just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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