Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the day after is always just damage control
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
