this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
