the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
