I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
