I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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