Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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