Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
